The heart doesn't really know

Why do I care so much?
Why do I allow things/people to wound me time and time again?
I don't understand myself. As I am once again sitting in pain. Literally feeling like something has punched my stomach and stabbed my heart. It feels like something has been stabbed in me and is not coming out, it's just sitting there hurting deeper, making me tired and drained. Its so thick, intense, and hurts sooo much.
Why do I continue to believe?
Why do I wait?
Why do I allow others to lie to me thru words and actions?
Why do I allow myself to believe their lies?
Most of all... Why can't I just walk away?

A number of people have done this to me lately. Loss of friendships. Fighting in friendships. Good friends so far away. But I think the final straw was the one I've loved for to long going behind my back.  Oh it hurts to breath.... deep breaths...
When will enough be enough?
When will it be too much?

I hate loving someone so much and then getting hurt. I hate trusting them so much that it could hurt this bad. It keeps happening and you'd think I'd have the sense to learn... but I don't.

Why does the heart want what it wants and how do I stop it??
I think my heart is dumb. It doesn't connect with my brain and makes idiotic decisions, and foolishly holds fast and steady to those foolish decisions. What a stupid heart I have.
Stupid heart. Stupid girl.

Stupid guy.
Stop looking at me like you do.
Quit caring for me and wanting to take care of me like you do.
Quit hugging and holding me like you do.
Quit speaking to me like you do.
Just STOP!!! STOP it all!!!! You have to care for what is good for me. You selfish bastard!! You get away with so much and everyone lets you. They make excuses for you and when one person stands up against you its... hell. NO! Thats not ok. You hypocritical, foolish, manipulative boy. GROW UP!!!! OPEN your eyes to the errors of your ways! ACCEPT what you have done to others... or deal with the karma that will come your way.
Oh who am I fooling? Karma, ha. You are the luckiest bastard I've ever met and get away with what you want more than anyone I've ever met. So many literally say and think you can do no wrong.
I hope it all catches up to you and you can feel the pain you have so liberally poured onto others. I hope someday you are broken into such tiny pieces that you cannot be placed back together again.
You horrible creature. You aren't even worth being called human. Humans have hearts, where is yours? Maybe thats why you don't understand... you can't have something broken that doesn't exist. But one day I hope you grow one and in an instant it is shattered!
You do not deserve another precious heart. You have strung all your girls out on the line and counted them... you deserve to be shot in the heart and left to die. At this point, I'm not even sure I'm speaking metaphorically anymore.

What saddens me most is that I have come to this point, to think like this. I have never thought so foully of someone before. Then again, I've never met anyone as hard hearted before either.

This royally sucks. Why did my life have to get wasted being intertwined with yours??

What a waste of space. What a waste of my time, of my life.

He... is coming

Trying... 

And I know I'm not walking alone

in this... 

But it doesn't change the fact 

that...

It's pretty simple... 

And I do know... 

So please grant me the patience to wait, 

because when he comes,

it will be the most

beautiful day 

indeed! 

Friends with ex's

Ok, I'll tell ya... if you can TRULY be friends with an ex without ANY emotional attachment (sexual, love besides friends, desiring of more, fantasizing, etc... without all that!) Then you have a gem in a world of stone that should be crushed because ex's who are friends are ruining people all over.

When ex's are calling you to "save" them (and they are ENGAGED!), something isn't right.
When ex's tell their counselors about you, and their counselor says ya'll should date again, something isn't right.
When ex's swear you are the one they are gonna marry, even tho you broke up 3 plus years ago, something isn't right.
When ex's are calling you about all their problems, when their best friend is a phone call away, something isn't right.
When ex's are calling you to loan them money, when their family lives in the same town as them, something isn't right.
When ex's are all over your social media commenting and liking, when they are in a relationship, something isn't right.

I could go on and on about what isn't right but the biggest thing that isn't right, you still complain about why you can't get a decent girl. Why the good ones don't stay. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out and I thought you were pretty damn smart...

Staying friends with your ex's not only keeps the good ones away, but when you snag a good one... it destroys her security. It drives her a bit batty. It brings out a side in her she never knew existed and hasn't seen since you. And so much worse. Trying to re-find herself because she got lost trying to fight for you is the worst thing you could do to a girl.

Guys- if you want a good girl, give up the exs. And never ever put her thru dealing with them. Please hear me when I say this. You can make every excuse in the world about why it's ok, but PLEASE open up your eyes! Please!
And if a girl tells you- "She's not over you." Guys- girls know whats up. Please hear her. Please believe her.

If you can't get over your ex's, you know they aren't over you. Please don't leave me saying... I told you so when you can't find an amazing girl.


Girls- This all goes for you too. Get over him!! Or you are gonna miss out on the best guy you could ever find, he'll pass you by if you are to stuck on the past. Your ex is NOT THE ONE!