Forgetfulness? or denial?

Why, how is it that I always forget who he truly is?
I constantly see the good, so I have hope knowing he can be a better person... then, there is always something. Ass like actions using girls like their feelings dont matter, and this time it wasn't me... actually the last few times it wasn't me yet it was. Not only does he lie to these girls to get in their pants but he always turns to me and wants the same. Wants to cuddle, wants me to be there, wants to "flirt" as he calls it aka toucy feely. And the truth I always forget is how aggressive he gets when he is refused something he wants. I refuse him because I'm starting to wisen up... the only thing I'm still dumb to is being his friend.
I hate that I continue to see the good, so I continue to stick thru the crap. I always have higher hopes for people. This isn't just with him, but almost all of my friendships. I'm starting to think "Geez, I sure know how to pick 'em" Sigh.

I see the bad too, I get frustrated by it... and even when it stands out way more and more often than the good.... somehow I still forget it. I forget the person he really is now.
It doesn't matter how much good is in someone, if they aren't choosing to live in that... then it doesn't make them a good person. You can't ignore the wrong that people inflict just because their is hope for the good in them.

I hear this, I know this... but my actions aren't following my mind. I know so much that I can't seem to make my body follow thru with. I hate this, this lesson I have to go thru over and over and over and over again until I get it right.

AUGHCK!! He could be a good person but what he is doing is wrong so he is not being a good person, therefore right now he is NOT a good person. Hes a bad guy that doesn't care about others.

He should've been there...

This song... these are lyrics that struck hard...

Christmas lights glisten,
I've got my eye on the door,
Just waiting for you to walk in,
But the time is ticking,
People ask me how I've been
As I comb back through my memory,
How you said you'd be here,
You said you'd be here.

And the hours pass by,
Now I just wanna be alone,

And there in the bathroom,
I try not to fall apart,
And the sinking feeling starts,
As I say hopelessly,
"He said he'd be here."

What do you say
When tears are streaming down your face
In front of everyone you know?
And what do you do when the one
Who means the most to you
Is the one who didn't show?

And it was like slow motion

Standing there in my party dress,
In red lipstick,
With no one to impress,
And they're all laughing,
And asking me about you,
But there's one thing missing,
And that was the moment I knew.

And that was the moment I knew.

You should've been here.

And I would've been so happy.

I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being frustrated. Tired of it all... and yet I can't stop waiting, can't stop crying, and tho I can stop being frustrated... it always comes back with the next thing... and even if I could stop everything temporarily, it always comes back and above all else... I'm tired of missing you and what was... and I can't stop that. 

Why him, of all people... why him??

MAKE IT STOP!!!! JUST MAKE IT STOP!!! I HATE THIS!!

I'm a ridiculously intuitive person and foresee and "feel" things and have been dead on except one time recently and I was only partially wrong, in my whole 29 years of life... I've always known things and been right. I just know, and I call it, like tell someone just to hold myself accountable to whats the truth, and it always happens.
But heres the kicker, it's never ever happened so much as it does with him and I don't know why it does with him. I dont know why I have such an intuitive bond to him. I hate it and I want it to stop. Everything I "see" happening with him, happens. And it's not like he listens to half of it, like its gonna happen even if I wanna stop it. And like tonight, I wake with a gut wrenching horrible feeling just twisting and knotting my stomach up. It went on for over 40 minutes tonight and my stomach hurts so bad, and I have to wake for work in the morning. Just a few hours.
WHY LORD CANT IT STOP...
because I love him. Yeah, I heard that... I just don't like admitting it. I don't want to, cuz it'll never be reciprocated. 
Please oh please make it stop. Please please please take this from me. I can't stand it. I can't keep going thru this time and time and time again. Even when we were apart I felt things. I just wanna be away, far far away. I want the intuition to be away, far far away. 
I know I shouldn't ask for this. I know it's a gift. Right now it feels a lot like a blessing and a curse. 
I hate most how it worries me so. I hate the dreams, the "feelings", the thoughts, the worry. I hate that I'm a sponge soaking up everything thing/emotion around me. I hate that I feel like I have no control over it. I hate how I wanna save the world with it but can't... whats the use of this knowledge if I can only proclaim and watch as it still takes place? Well the bad things, the good are awesome to watch. But the bad that I know, it hurts to see that it doesn't stop just because I know. It doesn't stop if I say something. It doesn't stop if I take action to try and stop it.

What Lord is the purpose of this ... gift?
You are gonna use me for great things. I know, I know. Jeremiah 1:5... before you formed me in the womb, you knew me... before I was born, you set me appointed me as a prophet to the nations.

I'm not ready for this... I know you've been preparing and showing me,, but why me?