Depressed?

I think I'm depressed...
I spent alot of time alone but not entirely by choice... all my friends are growing apart, so no one hangs out anymore. I'm lucky if I see anyone once or twice a month. Its really sad.
When I make new friends, I guess I'm more excited to be their friend than they are to be my friend... cuz we swap numbers and I text and text, 2-3 texts... if they haven't responded by that many, they aren't gonna. And they don't.
My old friends are moving on in life, and new ones seem to be non-existent. There is only so much I can do alone. I find things to do constantly, but it's getting pretty lonely.

Well, since this has been happening, since September or so... I've been gaining weight. So this last 1.5 weeks I've been exercising, but I have a really hard time not eating like crap. I'm really active, work with kids so kinda gotta be, constantly have my own projects going. Walk to the store, mostly cuz I don't have a car... so it's not like I sit around, I barely make time for this, FB, or any other online thing... I really don't like to sit on the computer either. But anyway, any time I feel lonely tho I crap something crappy, shove it down my throat and a couple minutes later back to my tasks... so not to feel anything... and even typing this I'm tearing up and all I wanna do is go find some crap food so I don't cry... I don't think thats gonna happen tho cuz I know once I get up I won't sit back down to finish typing this..

Theres nothing new in my life. I used to do sooo much, hang out, go on adventures. Almost every weekend there was something fun happening even if it was just movies and pizza with friends. Always so much happening that I searched for alone time cuz I needed quality time with myself... now I get lots of me time with movies and I'm only eating pizza cuz I feel alone. I'm kinda tired of texting friends to see if they wanna hang. I'm tired of them saying we will hang and then never contacting me back... I'm pretty sad right now and I don't like it.

 I'm not used to this. Like Im used to having friends, people who desired to hang with me and me them. I tried to stay strong, the first couple months didn't bother me, boy did I love the me time! I just figured their time would free up eventually, I've always had a month here or there where I didn't see anyone... but I've never had almost 4 months,, and I'm not sure how long this will go on.
The older you get, the harder it is to meet people... most of my friends are married and/or have kids. I'm still pretty single and waiting... thought I would have been married by now.
Maybe thats why I'm really sad... 4 months of not just flying solo... but being single. I don't have the partner to give me comfort on hard days like my friends have. If I have a crappy day, I come home.. to me... it all stays in my head... even this dumb blog doesn't help anymore. It's not like anyone is reading it anyways. I'm just talking to myself... always now. I only know what I know tho, there is no new insight or encouragement coming from myself... its always the same stuff, the same voice.. my voice.

Sigh. I'm not suicidal, which is a good thing.. but I do feel pretty stuck on this earth. I know I'm alive for a reason, and I'll keep it that way... plus don't wanna put anyone thru hell who'd miss me... but it does royally suck and I slightly understand why suicide happens now. To live in loneliness or go learn what happens after death... well, the latter is at least something different, something new. I don't know, maybe thats not what suiciders are really thinking, I just like to learn and love new things. I just can only google so much, can only read so much, can only watch so much before I go crazy being stuck in my head... I need conversation, I need to know what others think and are learning, I need to know that my depression feelings are just indeed emotions that I can overcome and isn't reality... I can tell myself this all I want, it doesn't help... I need another voice besides my own. My own is getting pretty droll.

Sigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sad.